next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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