highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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