What a fucking waste of an outfit
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
