Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Randomize
