dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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