I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'd cum for enchiladas.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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