Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
