I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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