Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
