She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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