i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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