My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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