a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
