If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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