my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
