My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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