I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
