Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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