Only a mothe r could love this liver
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
