That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
