I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
