I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
