it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
