you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pants are for mortals
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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