you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
