the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
