I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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