you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
