I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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