I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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