Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
