i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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