you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
how do you play pong handcuffed?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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