My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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