Umm I'm too high to move.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
