He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
