so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
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So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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