my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
