Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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