Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
