Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
