It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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