shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
