thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
