I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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