john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
