you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
