My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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