Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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