honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
