I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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