It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
