I hate your face
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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