new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
