theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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