I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
