Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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