hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
