You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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