Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
