That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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