You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize